School of Movement Medicine - Mindfulness in Motion

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Issue: January 2010
Your first three months – an open letter to my son Leewin

By Jayne Bullen

To My Son

So many months and a few years have passed since I first wanted to write this letter to you – when IT all happened. When you happened. 

I had resigned from my job so that I could spend the summer dance dance dancing and travelling to do it all over the place – I had decided I was ready to take the big step and start teaching this work and needed to take time out to do it. It was when you came to me, like a bolt of lightening you decided that this exact moment was the time you needed to come into the world and be in my body with me, in the heart of fulltime dancing.

When I found out about you I was on Alchemy of Stillness with Ya’Acov. I got there jaded from London corporate mayhem and directionless but as always, homesick and yearning to go back to my family and roots. That beautiful nurturing space and dance within it was true healing for me, reminding me as always of what really feeds me and reminding me that the life I had been in for the past several years was doing just the opposite of that. 

Throughout this amazing workshop where we processed so many parts of ourselves I was conscious of another presence being with me but unclear of what is was or who it was. I felt held more so than I usually do in the terrain of change. On the very last day we had a long dance ceremony and at the very end of this sweaty amazing experience, a voice I had never heard before came into my head. Crisp and clear an English man told me: ‘You are pregnant and he will be shiva’. I was not really familiar with Shiva or what he represented at the time, but ironically the next day Ya'Acov told us a story of his experience of him and his relationship to him.


Obviously, my mind shrugged it off as some imaginary dehydrated delusion – impossible that I was pregnant! Nine months and many dance floors and countries later, you hurtled into the world so fast we barely had time to get to the hospital.


Countless dance floors, many amazing people we encountered along the way, all of whom I love and remember, a thousand tales in-between. You were there with me for all of them.


Your arrival into my life and the time since then has been extraordinary. Your father and I chose to part and you brought me home to Africa, home to my body, home to what really matters.


Since you came into this world, you too have been a dancer. You danced before you waked and you keep on and on dancing and surprising me with how you just seemed to land in your body in an extraordinarily grounded way. More so than other children I have known you seem to have an innate understanding of your body in movement and its connection to stillness in a way I have never seen. You teach me everyday about the world and being.  


It could have been my crazy roomates in Dublin that put up with my exhaustion and early nights, or the wise woman in the forest with five children who told me that the world doesn't need more people, it needs more good people, or every other unique soul we had a chance to touch together over those months that made you such a wonderful human being before you even became one. Whatever it was, I thank you for sharing that journey and all the ones since with in me and now next to me.


So this letter is a thank you – to you – to all my teachers – to my fellow seekers and teachers that have all been a part my journey home where the drums beat and the sun shines - where I wanted you to grow and spend your childhood. To my family and my ancestors that rest here in African soil and air – we have a lot of work to do on this continent.  Mostly, a thank you to this amazing dance that consumes and heals us all again and again with its majesty and truth.


Ya’Acov is coming to SA next year and we will again have a chance to just simply be in the dance on African soil. I am so excited to dance with him again after the last time I did which was so connected to your beginning and when my life really began, and that I will be a part of growing the dance and going to new and wonderful places with it and my community here. 


There is nothing I wish for you more in your lifetime than to just keep dancing through wherever it takes you.





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The views expressed here do not necessarily represent the views of the School of Movement Medicine. Roland Wilkinson, Nappers Crossing, Staverton, Devon TQ9 6PD, UK Tel & Fax +44 (0)1803 762255 http://www.