School of Movement Medicine - Mindfulness in Motion
 

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Issue: November 2012
If you go out, we shoot you!

By Véronique Champalou
If you go out, we shoot you! - not with an arrow or a gun but with a bazooka, so all my bodies will explode even my soul will not survive - that was the message I have been facing on during the last module of the Apprenticeship program. Those words, I realised I was repeated in loop consciously or unconsciously, were acted as a barricade each time I wanted to manifest my dreams. At the end, I did not have any desire, especially for a job.

If you go out, we shoot you! - not with an arrow or a gun but with a bazooka, so all my bodies will explode even my soul will not survive - that was the message I have been facing on during the last module of the Apprenticeship program. Those words, I realised I was repeated in loop consciously or unconsciously, were acted as a barricade each time I wanted to manifest my dreams. At the end, I did not have any desire, especially for a job.

            When I came back home, the week-end after there was a 7 km run in the town where I live. At the age of 48, I never ran before, was not interested at, or I thought I was not. But the last few months, as I began the Apprenticeship program and moved recently to the edge of the black forest, I started to train. First with a lot of fear, then I liked it. But the night before the run, I woke up in the middle of the night with a pain like contractions right in the middle of the heart. I started to panic for having a heart attack. Finally I calmed down but thought if this pain in my heart goes on before the effort, I’m not going to run. After having an omelette at four o’clock in the morning, I felt back asleep. When the clock woke me up, I was absolutely not in a mood to run, but no more pain in my heart. I got up, took a bath and finally decided to register. Then I will see. I got the number 529 and a T-Shirt, went back home, had almost three hours before the Start. I had time to drink tee, to feel fear, and finally to put on my yellow T-shirt size S but on me looked like XL, with the number 529. As I walked to the starting point, the Allee was full of professional runners with brown skin from the sun, legs muscled from running. They were training, all looked quiet stressed looking at their watch every minute, even less. Why don’t they relax, I was asking myself? Anyway, arriving at the starting point, I did not know where to stand amongst those hundreds of runners waiting for the start, fully tensed. As I was strengthening my arms above my head more to woke up than to warm up, a cameraman stopped. Straight away, he filmed me. I did not know how to stand and also why he was shooting me as I was not professional at all. Then I remembered the message: If you go out, we shoot you! I laughed, the cameraman also. I relaxed.

            Somebody talked in the microphone, the level of stress raised up, a wave of applause rings. Start! They all started fast, I did not. Soon, nobody doubled me. But I could hear the sound of the sticks of the walkers behind me. I followed my own rhythm. All along the way, cameramen and camerawomen who were shooting, others who were there to encourage. Each time I remembered the message: If you go out, we shoot you! I had a smile, relaxed, and went on.

            Most of the runners were back to the starting point for a long time when I finally arrived under the applaused, especially when the man at the desk named me loud in this place where nobody knows me. That was it.

            I can go out, be shot and I’m still alive, full of live!

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The views expressed here do not necessarily represent the views of the School of Movement Medicine. Roland Wilkinson, Nappers Crossing, Staverton, Devon TQ9 6PD, UK Tel & Fax +44 (0)1803 762255 http://www. schoolofmovementmedicine.com