School of Movement Medicine - Mindfulness in Motion

Back to contents

Issue: April 2012
“Nature doesn’t know rubbish”

This month's winner of £100 School of Movement Medicine workshop voucher

By Karin

I read that on a truck, after one week S.E.E.R. process in March ‘12. And I thought, this claim fits wonderful together with the process. Past “stories” aren’t rubbish that has to be depolluted, they also can be dung. Every strategy I found to “survive” about what happened in my life, I can take now acting with it.

When Ya’Acov asked us in the first circle, what our heart is telling us, the word sexuality came in my mind. But – of course – I didn’t talk about that. What would other people think about me? I can’t tell others about my wish, to heal it. Would not everybody think about it, when he/she sees me? Would I be to flashy? After one week S.E.E.R. process and another week “acting” with my incantations and after reading the book of Ya’Acov and Susannah I decide now to write the first time about my sexual abuse. No details. No “stories”. I just decide to open a new chapter of my life. And in this chapter “I’m able to express everything” (Incantation). Without shaming or blaming. Without denouncement but also with no wrong defense for others (and myself) any more. As I read in the book “Movement Medicine” that every 4th girl and every 6th boy were abused until 18 I was really shocked. I didn’t mentioned, that so many people are concerned.

When I was a little girl, psychologists told, that children will forget what happened. And that the parents shouldn’t talk to the children until the children will start to talk by themselves. So nobody talked with me. And I didn’t talk to somebody. Not forgetting, what happened.

They did their best. They didn’t know it better. Information, people who are couraged enough to talk, helped to change this situation until now. So talking and expressing, what is aching – whatever it is - is always important!

And now, writing about this is another step in my healing process. Why should I be silent? Why should I be ashamed of it anymore? I was a child. And I’m not guilty! I want to be free. And I want to live my life with all my energy. So talking about heals me and helps hopefully others, to do so as well.

The S.E.E.R. process was a very important step for me, to be able to write that. And to stand for it. It was the first time, that I deeply felt, what happened and how violating it was. So it was the first time, that I can completely feel (for) my “little” Karin. And this is really! important. If you can’t feel for yourself, you can’t feel for others.

And that’s the really dramatic point. I’m a mother and I didn’t heal myself before getting children. Because everybody (including me) thought, that everything is “OK” with me. I had a very rational “understanding” of what happened, I had “excuses” for everbody (unfortunately not for myself) and so …I did my best. I didn’t know it better….sounds equal…..!

When you don’t heal yourself and don’t feel for yourself it could happen, that you will turning from a “victim” to an “actor”. And that’s really horrible. If you start realizing, that you are acting in way, you don’t want to, but “it” just happens, you don’t really know why, the blaming is going on….

So it has to be a decision to stop that “destructive”-cycle. To stop being a “victim”, because as a victim you can’t act. And if you are an “actor” by now, stop blaming you, but start to take responsibility. And do everything you can do, to heal yourself. Then the healing process will take place in all surroundings.

In this situation I was so grateful to find the S.E.E.R. process, after several other very helpful and valuably “stations” on my way. It was very important for me, that I felt really save and well supported by Ya’Acov, the trainers and the group. And that everything had the chance to “come out”, without feeling scrupulous. There was enough strength around me that makes me feel save going in my processes. It gave me the chance to go deeper and deeper. And I know, that I have to go in there. Because in the process another “black box” opened…

But now I know, that I don’t have to be fearful about that. Whatever will be in that “black box” – the S.E.E.R. process gave “back” Mother Earth to me. The first day was amazing: to found out, that lying on the “floor” (Mother Earth) can mean to carry me….wow! Until now, “god father” was my help. By the S.E.E.R. process I got back my roots, I got back my legs, I got back my breath in fearful situations…I got back my memories as a child, playing in nature…with slush, “healing” wounded trees…

Of course, I’m not happy, what happened to me and not proud, what I was doing to others. But probably I have to make this experience by myself, so that I can “understand”, how it is “trying to do your best…” and to “forgive”…. And I could say, all this is “rubbish”. But I really believe, that Life always gives us opportunities to decide. To decide for light and love or to stay in darkness. And I believe, that darkness has to be there somehow, to be able to decide. In each moment we have the possibility. And somehow it will succeed and in other situations it won’t. But I guess, to be on that way and to stay in this direction is important.

The S.E.E.R. process was a great gift for me. I felt the composition of the several elements as so wonderful and really healing. Thank you so much!


PS. For those, who were on the process: please attend, that I just gave my first name (as a first step). Thank you.

Back to contents

The views expressed here do not necessarily represent the views of the School of Movement Medicine. Roland Wilkinson, Nappers Crossing, Staverton, Devon TQ9 6PD, UK Tel & Fax +44 (0)1803 762255 http://www.