School of Movement Medicine - Mindfulness in Motion

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Issue: September 2011
Resovlng Trauma

This month's winner of £100 School of Movement Medicine workshop voucher

by Fiona Hodge

I have dipped into the workshops of the School of Movement Medicine for over five years and it has provided me with powerful tools to deal with the most profound and intractable problems. Real change hasn’t come quickly and it has required an open mind and heart, my own commitment, but above all the belief in the teachers and in the very possibility of change. In other words – FAITH.

The turning points arrived for me during the two years of ceremony and ritual. The audacious simplicity of dance meditation and ritual with the elements, opened a pathway to genuine healing. The expression of ‘vision quest’ – being alone and vulnerable, with nothing but mother nature to hold and protect me was quite literally a turning point of my ‘understanding’ and in my life.

One of the difficulties I seemed unable to resolve was the trauma that had infiltrated my life for over a decade, following my divorce, in which my two children were rejected and abandoned. No matter how many attempts to ‘buy’, ‘burn’ or ‘forgive’ I made – I was locked into eternal circles of sadness, anger, regret and bargaining. I was confused by my unwillingness to trash good memories. I was exhausted by balancing anger with forgiveness.

In December 2009 I participated in the ‘Alchemy of Stillness’ where I was invited to leave this emotional arena for the good of my whole family and to simply ‘let go’. As I danced and wept I was completely torn apart. The more I tried to unhook from ‘the attachment of this fundamental relationship in my life, the more pain and also love for this man I experienced (to be honest I just wanted to go home). I was hanging on to my husband as if my life depended upon it.

One cold frosty morning towards the end of this week, and all alone, I was overwhelmed by a desire to lie naked face down and on the grass outside. The contact with and smell of the earth allowed me to receive the healing of mother earth and this was both immediate and complete. In that moment my husband and I were completely absolved of our misdemeanours, forgiven, and with total compassion separated. This was profound and private moment, during the workshop, and yet not on the dance floor.

It is now eighteen months since the ‘Alchemy of Stillness’. My liberation from this unhealthy attachment has released me into new territories of emotional maturity and independence. Of more importance, I have observed my adult children to ‘move on’. I am disinclined to use such words as miracles. However, the impact of this most immediate, urgent and complete separation has brought peace to my family and I believe, to my husband as well. Although my work with the School of Movement Medicine has been gradual and incremental, this experience of private healing with mother earth was in a moment.

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The views expressed here do not necessarily represent the views of the School of Movement Medicine. Roland Wilkinson, Nappers Crossing, Staverton, Devon TQ9 6PD, UK Tel & Fax +44 (0)1803 762255 http://www.